BabyMama
by M.S DARK ANGEL
Summary: You re having a child! And it s going to be the most beautiful princess or prince in all of the 9 realms! Don t worry about Odin, Loki-dear…mummy will deal with that. Now go relax! You needn t stress yourself, it s bad for the baby. I shall see you at dinner' mother gushed, kissing my forehead and practically flew out of the room… Warning: Mpreg! T for Loki and Tony s foul mouths!


BabyMama.

Warning:

Swearing. Unnecessary violence.

Humour. Chaos. Killing. Stupidity.

Character death. Innuendos.

Bros being bros. O.o.c-ness.

Gore. Movie quotes. Pranks.

_~Thoughts~ _'Speech.' '#singing#'

'**Speaking at the same time.'**

'Different language.'

Will be M-rated for later chapters.

Loki`s P.O.V

This idea came to me, when my friend Steph (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!) ahem,

Asked me to tell our other friend –whose name escapes me at the moment- of Sleipnir`s

Birth…over dinner. And kinda evolved into this! We had a full-blown conversation at Yo!Sushi and while walking through town…I think we may have traumatized him…

And the rest of the cosplay group…mwahaha! XD

(If I`ve got some of the pregnancy things wrong, please tell me…it`s been a while since

I last looked at pregnancy books…so my knowledge of it might be a bit rusty.)

Chapter 1

How did this happen?!

'This can`t be right…' I muttered, re-casting the spell for the 3rd time. A knock on the door made me jump in shock and I hurriedly ended the revealing spell I was using.

'Brother? Open the door, you have hidden yourself long enough.' A loud voice booms from behind the door and the door-knob rattled. My poisonous green eyes flickered with worry, my pale hands trembled and then cast an unlocking charm to let him in. might as well get it over and done with…wait, screw that! I`m not, going through _that _again.

'Brother, what ails you? Loki, please speak…your silence worries me.'

'I am well, Thor. There`s nothing wrong, I just needed some space…I will join you all for dinner, let me get a shower and I`ll there shortly.' I said, easing away his fears. Thor nodded unsurely and began walking out of the bathroom.

'Why did you go to the healers 6 times then…' he muttered to himself, I face-palmed, was I really that careless? Now I have to get this "problem" out of the way then.

'Thor! Wait, I have something of grave importance to tell you. Shut the door and lock it and promise you won`t judge me, or treat me badly because of it.' I pleaded with him.

'Alright, I swear on my honour, I will never treat you badly…unless you are trying to take over the world again!' he reassured me, I smiled at his joke…I missed this.

'Thor…for reasons unknown even to me…I-I`m pregnant.' There, bombshell dropped.

'WHAT?! How! Who did this to you?!' he practically roared at me. _~Holy- why did I tell him and not mother?! He`s going to kill me! Why was this, such a good idea to tell him Loki! ~_ I chided myself.

'I somehow impregnated myself…' I pathetically whimpered…he was literally towering over me. When he me attempt to become 1 with the wall, Thor grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me. Hard, and began yelling at me…again.

'Who did this?! I`ll murder the bastard! How dare he! I will kill him!'

'You`ll have to kill me then…' at this, Thor`s grip got tighter and I swear my shoulders are going to cave in. I can practically feel the anger coming off him in waves, thunder boomed outside.

'What did you say?!'

'I said, I impregnated myself somehow! I`m not even sure how-' I tried to explain, but Thor wasn`t having any of it, his grip still tight

'How did you do that?!'

'I DON`T KNOW! I don`t fucking KNOW! I`m fucking pregnant with my own child! I don`t even know HOW and this is my own BODY! And you hate me, and-an-' by that point I was a sobbing mess, I couldn`t think, I couldn`t do anything but cry: my world had just crashed around me. Again. And Thor was –besides the AllMother- the only person that gave a damn about me, was going to throw me out…and is he hugging me?!

'I`m so sorry, please forgive me? My poor, little, baby brother…' Thor cooed, I buried my face in the crook of his neck and cried my heart out, I felt him rubbing my back and kissing the side and top of my head. (1)

'you…you don`t hate me?' I sniffled. Thor shook his head and hugged me tighter. After some time, Thor pulled me away and smiled at me. I made an odd, whimpering noise that made me die a little on the inside. He even wiped my face with his cape!

'No, I could never hate you…your child will be beautiful. And I can`t wait to spoil him!'

'It could be a girl, you know…I hate this…' I groused, Thor ruffled my hair, why does he do that?! Oh, fuck it all…we have to tell Mother! And…Odin. What`s the Midguardian phrase? Ah, yes…Fuck My Life!

'Hate what? And my mighty cape now becomes Loki`s handkerchief!' he frowned, holding the snot-and-tears covered cape away from himself.

'I have to tell them.' I whispered.

'Tell who? Mother and Father?...goodness, what are we going to say?!' Thor panicked, I shrugged and walked back into my rooms and flopped on my bed, then sat bolt upright.

'What the buggering fuch am I going to do?! I`m doomed! Doomed I say!' I wailed, face-planting into some pillows.

'Uh, Loki?' my not-brother called, pulling me out of my silk pillow.

'Doomed!' I fell back into the pillows, Thor pulled me out of them again.

'Brother, seriously?' he grumbled after the 5th or 6th time.

'DOOMED!' I yelled, and burrowed deep under my quilts and pillows. Thor sighed and flopped backwards, landing next to me. I imagine the look in his face to be annoyed…or amused at the very least.

'You aren`t doomed, calm down…if it ends badly, I`ll take you to Midguard, okay? But only if Father cannot be reasoned with…' he told me, sticking a hand in the bed to find mine: it ended up poking me in the side. I totally did not squeak.

'Are you ticklish?' Thor paused. _~Oh, fudge a duck! ~_ And then came the storm.

'No! Noooo! Ehehehe! Hahahaa!' I shrieked when he threw the covers off me, I _howled _when he began to tickle my sides! I kicked, cackled, yelled, flailed and somehow managed to slap him across the face several times until he finally stopped.

'You…pleb…' I panted out, my face burning red. After a while, I told Thor that I should tell Mother and Odin. Mother, yes…Odin…as that amusing mortal woman once said: "Ain`t nobody got time for that!"! Ehehe!

A few months pass…

They still don`t know –ehehehe! - and I have found this tiny guitar-like instrument called a Ukulele…I`ve gotten quite proficient with it…mother loves it when I play it…but it makes Thor`s friends cry! Mwahaha!

'Loki, you are showing a lot more…' Thor whispered to me at dinner, I blinked and adjusted my tunic. Thor passed me my favourite pudding and went back to eating his ox.

'Thank-you…I`m going to tell mother…not Odin…I still don`t like him.' I told him between spoon-fuls of pudding, Thor nodded and shook his hair out of his face.

'Duly noted…mother just left, go!' Thor told me, I put down the still-quite-full bowl down and began to walk off after thanking him.

'Loki! Take the pudding! It will aid you where I cannot!' Thor bellowed, and handed said bowl to me. I grinned at him and ran/walked after mother. Thor is surprisingly intelligent for an oaf…he hides it well. Good Thor! I`ll hug him later or play his favourite tune on my ukulele as a reward or something.

'Mother! Wait!' I called out after running after her for the past 20 minutes, she stopped and looked at me as I caught my breath back.

'Loki. Is there something wrong?' Frigga asked, kindly. I shrugged, and began walking with her.

'Can I talk with you? In private…please. It`s something very important.' I told her, begging with my eyes. Mother nodded and took my hand and began walking to her rooms…holy crap, I`m nervous. I`ve been to Midguard way, too much…I`m starting to talk like them. Oh, well…it was going to happen eventually.

'We are in a secure room…now, what was it you was going to tell me?' she asked, I pointed to the chair, she seemed to understand why and gracefully sat down.

'Mother…I-I am pregnant…'

There was dead silence, I watched her shake her head and slump a little in her seat. Then mother jumped up and yelled! I nearly had a heart attack at her reaction! She paced up and down the length of the room while I shovelled pudding into my mouth.

'Pregnant?! How? Does your father know…wait, of course he doesn`t! I can assume that Thor knows? Yes? At least he has helped you…anybody else? No? Who is the father of my grand-child? Speak up! No more nodding and shaking your head young man!' Moth- I mean, Frigga demanded, I sat on the floor and curled up a little.

'um…it`s me.'

'Beg pardon?'

'I impregnated myself…I still don`t know how I managed it, to be honest.' I explained, mother`s eyes narrowed, I squeaked and scooted further away as she loomed over me. _~please don`t hurt me! I`m pregnant! ~_

'I am not going to harm you…so stop acting like a frightened rabbit!' the queen sighed, and then pulled me to my feet, gently dusted me off and cuddled me. I did it again…I cried. All over my mum`s beautiful silk gown.

'oh, hush…it`s okay…how far are you along in the pregnancy?' she said after pulling away and wiping away my tears. I looked at my socked feet…where are my shoes?

'About 13 weeks along, I`ve been keeping myself hidden…and it doesn't bother you?' I asked, she shook her head: a smile that could rival the sun adorned her face.

'No! You`re having a child! And it`s going to be the most beautiful princess or prince in all of the 9 realms! Don`t worry about Odin, Loki-dear…mummy will deal with that. Now go relax! You needn`t stress yourself, it`s bad for the baby. I shall see you at dinner?' mother gushed, kissing my forehead and practically flew out of the room…I have to do literally nothing? Seems legit, to the kitchens!

I wandered around the palace, looking for somebody to accompany me since I didn`t want to be alone…is that Thor? It is! I marched over to him and grabbed his arm.

'Thor! Come on, I have cravings for fish-fingers and custard!' (1) I said, grabbing Thor`s arm and dragging from his friends. I heard Thor give his good-byes to them, and calling Volstagg to join us. I smiled as we went around a bend and well out of earshot from the others. I turned to Volstagg, I serious look on my face.

'Do you want to hear a secret, which could very well end all life as we know it?' I asked, smirking as the warrior`s face paled. Thor tutted and gently shoved me, I giggled.

'Stop it! You`re frightening him…Loki`s being dramatic…it won`t cause the apocalypse. It`s not that bad.' Thor soothed the other warrior, I felt my stomach rumble.

'Thor. Food. The baby demands the fish-fingers and custard. We _must obey!_' I hissed at them, Volstagg`s eyes widened, and he then all but dragged _me_ to the kitchens. Thor sighed and followed us, waving off guards that approached us.

'Pregnant? How did it happen this time? And what, of the sire?' he asked me, I shrugged and Thor must`ve gotten worried, since I kept slipping on the freshly cleaned marble floor, so he picked me up: bridal-style.

'I don`t want you to fall, little brother…is this not simpler?' was all he said when I questioned him, I looked at Volstagg and explained him what I think happened…not in full detail, since I don`t want him to- forget it, I don`t even _care_ anymore. I`ll tell him.

'That`s strange…not normal in anyway, but "normal" is just a word! Is it not? You Loki, are like the universe…parallel to us all, full of mystery, ever-changing, full of wonder and extremely powerful. We are naught but mere ants.' He smiled at me. _~I like him! He`s probably just buttering me up, so I won`t attack him or send my children to blasting him to smithereens…and probably causing Ragnarok in the process, how noble! You pamper and praise me in order to turn a literal nightmare into a dream…well played. ~_

'Oh? You really think so? Nobody`s ever said that to me before…Thor, you don`t count, since you`re my big brother, you are carrying me everywhere and waiting on me hand and foot. You simply caring for me says it all.' I said, stopping my ride from interrupting me.

'True…do you wish to ride me, on my back? Or do you want to stay in my arms?' Thor said after a moment. _~Oh, stop it! He only wants to carry me! Mind out of the gutter, bad Loki! Bad! ~_ thanks a lot brain, why?! I blinked, and shook my head to rid _that_ particular train of thought.

'I`m fine…are we there yet?'_ ~please don`t notice the raging boner I have! Damn hormones! Damn mind! ~_ I silently prayed, as I slowly softened. _~eh, but life is much funnier with a dirty mind! ~ _I think I might either: going completely mad or I`m not the only voice in this head of mine.

'Almost there. Are you alright? You look troubled.' Volstagg asked, I shrugged and began playing with Thor`s hair.

'Am I mad? The type of madness that is found in lunatics…that question has been bothering me for a while now… "Have I gone round the bend?" (2)' my question was met with silence. Is it a bad thing, that I wasn`t expecting an answer? Nobody spoke until we had reached the kitchens and I had eaten through my 2nd bowl of fishy custard.

'Why did you ask that question earlier? About being mad?' Volstagg asked me, as he ate his way through a roasted boar. Thor, bless him, handed me more fish and custard.

'It doesn`t matter anymore…your silence said it all. I am what I am: mad as a Hatter.' I stated, taking a gulp of water. I looked at my other companion.

'Thor, am I? Be honest.' I asked, pushing my food away. He simply put his palm on my forehead as it to check for a fever, and cupped my face in his hands.

'I`m afraid you are, bonkers, even. But you want to know a secret? All the best people are.' (3) Those last 5 words made my smile so wide, it almost split my face in half. Thor then kissed my forehead and pulled me into a hug.

'Thank-you brother.' I whispered, rubbing my face into his shirt. When we pulled apart, I sat back in my seat, Thor fussed over my clothes had hair for a few minutes and then he turned back to his own food.

A few weeks later, I`m summoned to the throne room…I yawned and then mentally calculated as to how fast could I run in comparison to how Odin can bellow…

'LOKIIIIIII!' good grief, what was that Odin?! I opened the door and poked my head in, I squeaked and tried to get out of there…too late, he`s seen me.

'Loki GET IN HERE RIGHT NOW!' now I have to go in there…crap. I should`ve ran when I had the chance.

**-T.B.C-**

Tobi: okay! Sorry for the delay, Steph! I had a few exams and packing things for my holiday to America, and birthdays…etc, etc…I`ll see if I can write up what the Avengers` reactions will be! should it be a yaoi, Steph?

To my faithful readers to my other stories: I`m trying to get them written as soon as I can, but I think I may have hit a road-block…but I will try to sledge-hammer it down! Don`t lose hope and tell me what you want, via PMs and Reviews! ^_\)

(1) I`m a Whovian! The 11th Doctor`s favourite food…it`s actually very nice, try it! XD

(2) Alice in Wonderland, the quotations are what the Mad Hatter asks Alice.

(3) And what Alice replies with. I couldn`t help but imagine Thor telling Loki that!

Tobi: Fuck, I thought I`d posted this already…

Well, as I was on the plane to and back from America, I had written the Avengers` reactions. I`ll get to it as soon as!


End file.
